There are many ways to describe an idiot at this world, but, nothing will never  show you a moron better than a face, after all a picture say more than 1 thousand words… a long time ago, I had a little taste of the experience of loosing… this time is a bit diferent because she was never mine to loose.

At the puberty, the hormones plays  us heavy pranks, for example, when it makes us to belive in our first love, but in those days we also learn that all objects that ascend quickly, descend with an speed increased twice  .

While my grandma  was still alive, i asked her, how could i know wich is the girl who i most get married with? She answered me back in those days that in a moment of doubt, i should trust in god; today i prefer to make what my father told me to do;  in a momento of doubt, just ask to somebody Little midget; my grandmother knew how naive was i in kínder days, just with one sight, she knew what to say to clean my face and stop my tear without touching my cheeks, if I behave as a punk, she always immobilize my body with the magical words, once upon a time… an ancient spell she learned from her grandmother I guess; granny took me to walk  with her every weekend because she wanted to save me of cleaning my room ^_^!… my little hand use to get lost in her’s, she hold me with confidence;  our hands were one single soft fist, but with the time, my hand grow bigger, until that age when you are to old like for walking hand by hand with your granny… =_ = I know, I’m such an idiot.

My mother’s absence was my daily bread, she work realy hard to give me a good life ( that would become her obcession for years and years) , once the baby sister was setup, i could spend hours watching  the thundercats, sailor moon, samurái warriors, the russian vallet from moscu performing the swan lake one of my favorites by the way or  a  xmaz carrol.

But there were those days where tv was not good enough for me, granny was always there for me, playing chess, poker, or parchiss i was a champion, but, that small grin in my grandma’s mouth told me years later that she was being generose with me.

Mom and dad often fighting forces me to  walk arround home, when granny found out, two small and almost inaudible words were enough to stop the parental screaming. ice cream?.

She told me once that when i finaly find the girl who suposed to be my wife, god will show me trough my heart that she is realy the one, and many years later, even after she passed away; she would be still holding my hand so i were not alone, never.

The moment finally has come, but, there is no heart, no hand, no god, not even dignity for god sake.

This woman I love, reach my heart without effort and without moving a finger, she smashed my heart… I could not even say hi when she was already giving me the good by, she didn’t even tuned around to spit it in my face, and the worst part of it, i can’t stop thinking on her.

This last week, i loose all what i had left, i lose something i’ve never had, for the second time in my life i lose my grandmother and the best gift she gave me; my god… now I know… I’m completely alone.


Edgar Fabian Gil Amado.

The sight behind the dark

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